I’m waiting on something. There’s something that I want – it’s not a new purse or clothes, although I want those too. Yet every time I think about going after what I want, I feel the Lord whisper to me, “Wait”. Since this isn’t what I want to hear, nor does it make sense, I’ve been trying to dismiss this “Wait”. I find myself thinking, “Weeellll, maybe that voice is just my own fear and insecurity. Surely God wants this for me”. I then use that as justification and seriously consider moving forward and sometimes do.  

Too often in the past, I’ve dismissed this same “Wait”. And each and every time, I’m disappointed that I did. Like the time the Lord asked me to “Wait” and trust Him and His timing for our first pregnancy. In asking me to “Wait”, the Lord was telling me that He wanted the full glory for our pregnancy. But the Lord was taking too long. So I got my hands all over my wait and I moved ahead with doctors, procedures, and even acupuncture. And because I didn’t “Wait”, the glory went to everything else but Him. (Side note: I have to say that do believe that the Lord sovereignly provides women with doctors and procedures to help them get pregnant. I’ve witnessed this. But in my particular case he said, “no”.)

There have been other times the Lord asked me to “Wait” and not say that thing to Markus that is my attempt to correct him. I should be patient and wait to talk to Markus, if at all, until after I’ve cooled down.  But instead I often allow my anger and desire to be “right”, to move me forward.  As a result, I end up hurting and often insulting this gift of a man that God gave me.

Isn’t it true that every time we look in the rear-view mirror of our lives, we see that God was at work, even though we didn’t know it at the time? Why don’t I remember His past faithfulness in my present situation?! (The same could be said of the Israelites in the Old Testament –yikes!)

When I get down to it, all of these “waits” are the Lord asking me to trust Him. But because I feel this never-ending need to control my life, I seldom wait well. I don’t always show the Lord that indeed I DO trust Him. Instead I show Him (and myself) that I only occasionally trust Him, and only if He moves at my pace.

I want to change. I want to trust Him. I want to wait well. This begins with a transfer of ownership of my life. A bowing of me to Him. And a surrender of all of me. Every. Day.

I want to be able to live what Paul says in Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” A surrendered life trusts God, even when the Lord says to “Wait” or do something that doesn’t make sense. A surrendered person says, “Yes sir.”

I laughed out loud when I read the biblical value we would be studying with the 1st-5th graders at our church this month. Ready? “Patience- waiting until later for what you want now”. Clearly God’s sense of humor and yet another way He was telling me to trust Him and to “Wait”.

So yes, I’m going to “Wait” on this thing that I want. And hopefully next time, I’ll remember this time, and I’ll “Wait” well, again.