Lately there’s been a flurry of talk in the news and on social media about abortion. And as someone who’s had an abortion, I wanted to be the voice of those who don’t talk about theirs because of shame, worry, embarrassment, and a fear of, “What would they think of me if they knew?” But I also wanted to give them hope if they’ve lost all theirs.
This is what you might hear if you could unlock the door that hides their pain:
If you’ve never had an abortion you may not know…
“How badly I hurt when I see babies in strollers.
That I feel sick to my stomach when abortion is talked about on TV.
How alone I feel.
That “Sanctity of Life Sunday” is paralyzing.
That pro-life social media posts send me to the floor in shame.
That I regret my decision everyday.
That I dream about my baby.
That even though I gave my baby up for fear my life would be a mess, I now wonder how much better my life would have been.
That my grief is overwhelming.
That I am 1 of 4 women walking around America who’ve had an abortion. We carry what feels like 500 pounds of shame. But we hide behind a smile.
I am your neighbor. I sit in front of you at church. I run next to you on the treadmill. I’m a pastor’s wife. I am your wife. I just walked my cart by you at the grocery store. I’m in your bible study. I’m pumping gas one pump over. I’m your child’s teacher. I am your doctor. I am your mother-in-law. I am your mother. I am your sister, your cousin, your aunt. I am your best friend. I am everywhere. And when I hear about abortion, it wrecks me. Every time. Surely this is not how I’m supposed to live? And yet I feel I deserve to live like this, a shattered piece of china, broken beyond repair.
And so I need you to help me…
When you post about pro-life, and how you’re opposed to Roe vs. Wade, and how you’re against the new State of New York laws on abortion, and how you’re a Republican because you’re anti-pro-choice…please remember I’m listening. And I’m determining how much God loves me, how much He forgives me, and how worthy I am of that forgiveness, based on everything you, Jesus-with-skin-on, say.
And when you celebrate “Sanctity of Life Sunday” in church, and talk about how much your church honors life, please acknowledge me. Tell me that even though I didn’t value life, God still values mine.
Please live with the awareness that I’m here. I’m still here. And I know God wants to release these shackles of shame. Will you be that safe someone I can talk to?”
If you’ve had an abortion…
I, Lisa, know how you feel. I had an abortion when I was 18. And I regret it to this very day. I think about my girl Christine, all the time. She pops into my mind when I make eggs in the morning or when I brush my hair. I think about her when I drop my kids off at school or when I watch TV. I often subtract my current age from the age I was when I was aborted, and I imagine what my baby girl would be doing right now. She would’ve turned 22 next month and would be graduating college in May. Which college would she have gone to? What would she have wanted to do with her life? Would she have grown up dancing, like I did? Would she have my hair? My eyes? Would she have made different choices than I did? Would she have loved God? Would she know how much God loves her?
And maybe like me, you do the same. You think about your sweet baby like I do. I used to feel all of the feelings, the shame, the grief, the pain. And everywhere I turned, I was triggered. To hear people throw “abortion” around like it was just a conservative law to be overturned, twisted my stomach in shame.
But I didn’t just find forgiveness from God, and isn’t that a beautiful thing to find? I found freedom. And freedom did just that. It set me free.
Now anytime I see a post, or hear about abortion on the news, or see those marching for life, much to my surprise, I don’t feel shame. It’s gone. I don’t feel hurt. I feel free. How? I went to a post-abortion bible study that walked me from bondage to liberty. I felt the feelings of motherhood I had suppressed as an 18-year-old. I grieved, I cried, but at every turn, Jesus was there, reminding me of how much He loves me. God helped me give personhood to my little girl, and He told me her name. He showed me a vision of her from behind, standing next to Him. And as she reached up her little hand, Jesus took her hand in His, and together He walked and she skipped, and sweet Jesus said to me, “Baby, I’ve got her. Lisa, my love, I’ve got her.”
So many women I talk to don’t even know freedom is possible or that post-abortion counseling exists. But it does and it will change your life.
If a faith-based crisis pregnancy center in your town or your church doesn’t offer a study, you can find the post-abortion bible study, “Forgiven and Set Free” on Amazon.
Be brave. Buy the book. Do the study. And find the freedom God wants to give you so you can tell the world what an amazing God He is. You are deeply loved by Him. And He is holding your baby in His Heavenly arms until you arrive.
If you live in the Dallas area, I’d be happy to send you information on faith-based crisis pregnancy centers who offer post-abortion counseling. Message me and I’ll get you the info.
I too had an abortion. I am very much in favor of Sanctity of Life weekend. My hope and prayer is that if we can help people to understand the value of one life, maybe just maybe less and less abortions would take place. Also, I am very pro-life because I do believe these lives are important . It no longer wrecks me to talk about my abortion because I have gone through an abortion recovery study that brought so much freedom. Yes, the shame and hiding all had to be broken down, but I have realized that an era of teaching that God could not forgive me was false teaching and He forgave me and did not expect me to walk in all the bondage. What I wish had been taught more and boldly is how the enemy seeks to kill, steal and destroy. He wants to get us away from anything that will bring glory to our Heavenly Father. If we live in the bondage of our sin, then he keeps us from all that God has for us to walk in and celebrate Him. The beauty is that God allows us to walk through trails to be used for His glory. Therefore, I will stand for those who cannot stand for themselves. All the while, I will speak life into women who have walked through the journey of abortion until they are walking in freedom that comes through Jesus.
Josiah is walking with my mom and dad in Heaven. Yes, the son that could not be talked about is walking with the ones that I could not talk to about him. I’m a bit jealous that they met him before I got to. That bother that my son so greatly desired is in Heaven.
Wow, just wow. What you said was so powerful and thought provoking: “Yes, the son that could not be talked about is walking with the ones that I could not talk to about him.” I know your family is loving every minute with Josiah, Dawn. I’m so excited for you to meet him when it’s time. Thank you for your bravery in sharing.
Hi Lisa! I’m in your insanity class and looked you up today after we took that class picture for your birthday. Just a little friendly profile stalking and I came across this post that linked to this blog. I so admire your story and your willingness to share and help others. I actually volunteer at a local pregnancy center here in Mckinney as a PA. We offer a post abortive bible study, and I’m 95% sure it is the one you mentioned in your post. You may already know about us, but in case you don’t, it is Hope Women’s Center, located on Virginia. Just wanted to throw us out as a resource because I know there are so many women who need to hear this message. I will now be friendly stalking your posts from now on. 😊
Amanda Gahan (the blonde on row 1, right side of the room, sucking air in your insanity class 😂)
Amanda! YES!! I volunteered at Hope for a while, I LOVE THEM! And you’re right, Hope offers, “Forgiven and Set Free” as their post-abortion study. It’s amazing. I’m so glad they are doing that.
Keep on stalking sister, lol! I can’t wait to talk with you more at the gym! Thanks for reading the post and for the comment. Keep on with all the awesome work you’re doing at Hope!!